It’s been since December, and since then, well, I have gotten married, becoming a stepmom in the process, started teaching college classes, and basically puttered about with my life, surviving winter, and trying to come to terms with all the changes in my life.

Good changes, but still, big changes, things that make one lean back from the world, retreat a while, and say “Hmm, gotta think about this.”

I’m excited for the summer — my stepson comes for his summer vaca in a couple of weeks, and I’m at once a little nervous about that — my sleep schedule is way wacky — and excited, because he’s a great kid, and we will have a lot of fun.

I have my summer classes start on 6/14, and I am looking forward to doing a better job with the course this time around; the first time you teach a course, it’s always full of kinks and bugs, so I am anticipating being able to work on some of those things, and hopefully, make it a better class this time around.

There are lots of fun social things to look forward to this summer, including a girly trip my friend’s lovely house this June, a family outing to the same friend’s house with MY family (Holy carp, I have a FAMILY!), and lots of other cool things, including planning my wedding reception in September, hanging out with my friends and their kiddos, and working on the house/yard. I’m set for summer classes, but I am going to try to find a gig teaching at a more traditional university — maybe, if I’m really lucky, scoring a LIT gig.

Yo, I am a suburban housewife/stepmom/adjunct professor. And I kinda dig it.

Illfunkcraze, babes! Now, that sounds jazzier!

I am:

– taking an on-line orientation/extended interview for an on-line adjunct gig

– making (MAKING! THE RED SEA PARTED AND BIRDS FLEW UPSIDE DOWN!) Xmas cards.Here’s the print I’m futzing about with for the cards:

– Various holiday travel arrangment stressors

– Still plugging away at yet more and more job applications

And the snow, she is supposed to flow tonight, children. Tomorrow, after rush hour, I will scuttle from home to store to pick up chili fixin’s and the makin’s for pumpkin cookies and zuchini bread and bake and craft.

(Okay, maybe not 5 bottles of it. But it was over a long holiday weekend!)

So here’s my cold survival kit:

1. Self-pity

2. Slouchy flannel PJ pants. Not the cute ones, the ones that are 8 years old with unraveling elastic, and a rip in the knee. Cute PJs do not make you feel better when you’re sick; save that shit for when your health is on the upswing.

3.  Ratty tank top.

4. Okay, this is vital: a sweater or hoodie WITH POCKETS. One, it will keep you warm when you are having bone-shaking chills, but you can take it off when you are heating up. Two, you will need those pockets. You will stuff random shit in them, to be enumerated below.

5. Kleenex. Dur.

6. Mentholatum. It’s old-school, but it works. I rub it all over my nose, so the constant blowing and wiping will (hopefully) not render me an automatic Molting-Nose Lizard Woman when the cold has run its course.  And it’s also SEXY AS HELL!! Or so my boyfriend tells me. Maybe he’s lying — my judgement’s all fucked up.

6. Unlimited access to hot tea. I break my no-caffeine after noon rule for colds. I like either Earl Grey or Orange and Spice.  Stash is my go-to brand, but if I’m really lucky, then I have some Harney & Sons Tower of London tea. This tea is wonderful, but pricey.

And it comes in the cutest little silk sachets!

7. Captains Secret Cure:

Heat 2 Cups chicken broth (homemade stock is best, but whatever you have is fine: YOU HAVE A FUCKING COLD AND FEEL LIKE SHIT) with 1 cup(not a typo; get that shit good and citrused up!)  lemon juice, 2 tbsps. minced garlic, and 3 shakes red pepper flakes. Get it steaming hot and drink. Repeat as many times during the duration of the cold as you can stand.

Don’t forget to brush your teeth.

8. Lip balm. I currently fond of Tarte’s slide-tin balms. They fit in the pockets, along with wadded up kleenex and the iTouch.

9. iTouch.   Tv shows, movies, books and the Internet, all from a comfortably supine position on the couch, or (my personal favorite) the bed.

With these items, you should be well stocked for WoodSnot 2009.  I try to do as little as possible and sleep a lot. If this is not possible, combine Day-Quil with all of the other remedies (wear comfortable pants and a decent short-sleeved shirt to work; the sweater with pockets is okay, as long as you’ve washed it.)

Whether you’re staying at home or need to go into the world, take a shower every day or so. A really hot one, and use one of these babies. 

Shower Soothers: It’s moron-friendly — just rip the packaging off and drop into the bottom of the tub. Eucalyptusy! It will help you breathe better, I swear.

I will be headed to bed soon, in my mint-green grandpa sweater and red, pink and white plaid flannel PJ bottoms, clutching my mug of tea and my box of Kleenex. But I have to wait for my iTouch to charge.

I remember being sick as a dog one year when I was a kid, for Mother’s Day. I had tonsilitis, and we were supposed to be going to a very fancy (to 9 year old me) restaurant. I didn’t want to miss it. I went, but I couldn’t eat anything, of course. I had something like a 101 degree fever, which I understand puts most parents in a screaming panic attack, but I had so many cases of tonsilitis as a kid, with so many really, really high fevers (like 103, 104) that my folks were all “Eh, 101. What the fuck ever” by that point.

I wonder sometimes how many brain cells that killed. C’est la vie.

This blase attitude towards fevers has translated to my adult life — people get all het up about “OMG, OMG, 100 degree fever! ER, stat!” to which my somewhat heartless reply is “Are you kidding me? Chill the fuck out and give ‘em some fever reducer.” Unless you can see actual heat waves, I’m just not worried.

Anyway, I have eaten, made green bean casserole, which is cooling on the counter, and the ham is in the oven. Cider-mustard glaze is reducing on stovetop, and I have a load of dishes going in the dishwasher. Now I’m all RSS-feed checky and thinking about giving myself a manicure and settling down with a book until the ham is cooked.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wake up, coffee, internet round-up and check. Go to to start iTouch for cleaning rampage music, is dead. Say bad words, charge.Prepare to clean in monk-like silence.

Awful gingham  curtains removed from dining room.

Go out, apologize to neighbor’s for ex-wife’s dog incessantly barking. Explain dog needs to be out while I clean. Neighbor is very nice, offers to bring EWD over to play with son’s GIANT Lab puppy. EWD goes over fence, promptly starts trying to hump giant Lab puppy’s face. I go inside.

Dining room dusted, lemon oiled, window seat hastily cleaned and decorated with items pilfered from screened in porch room, de-cat boxed, de- cat fooded, de- pethair and de-cat condoed

Dining room swiffered, swept (yes, I have to do it twice, fucking 5 pets, OMGWHY?) mopped.

Dining room chairs brought in, not polished yet.

OMG, I forgot I have to cook a turkey breast too! Check turkey breast — does not need to be defrosted. Cancel plans for evening, as this means I have to cook the ham tonight.

Put ham out.

Go get cigarettes. It’s cold. I’m wearing a short cotton skort.

Get nicotine. Pay in $10.77 worth of change.

Get home, smoke cigarette. Get up, spray overn cleaner in oven, as it was producing large amounts of smoke when I baked a pizza last night (from last time I broiled chicken breasts with shittons of butter.)

Dust and polish almost all furniture in foyer, living room and office, except stuff that will just have to be done again after the de-hairing of the furniture tonight.

Swiffer and sweep living room and office. Mop living room while hollering as cats traipse across wet floor — “Wait till I’m done cleaning it before you get it dirty!”

Take internet and cigarette break.

Okay, at 7 p.m., I called the cleaning blitz a quit, and decided to  go on a shopping spree at Anthropologie. You know, the kind without money. I am giving myself $1000 virtual dollars — no sales tax, because I’m an English teacher, yo, and there’s no sales tax IN MY HEAD.

Weekend Bouquet Shower Curtain $88

Ganache Pumps $98 (in white)

Letizia Cardigan $118

Fall Foliage Sweater Dress $148

Globe Raisin Top $78 — This is sleeveless in winter, I know, but it would be pretty under a jacket or cardigan.

Scalloped Clouds Skirt $98

I like the plain, as you can see, but with a little bit of detail, like the sweet but not overpowering scalloping at the hem.

Flower Chain Tights $18

This are cute, and probably one of the few things I might actually be able to afford.

Star Jasmine Panty (the catalog says thong — who’s their copy editor? This ain’t even a tanga!) $38

Wisdom Earrings $24

I have an owl thing. I know, a thousand zillion people do, but I’ve had mine before it was trendy! (wah…trend-hating plaint, I know.)

Elementary My Dear Apron $38

I’ve wanted a cute apron for a while, and this is darling…and it wouldn’t be so precious that you couldn’t actually, you know, COOK in it.

Windswept Stems Chemise $58

There. $1002, $2 over budget, but I just want to take a shower in my sparking clean tub, and I don’t care.

What would you get this season at Anthropologie?

I have quite a few items that I’m planning on requiring, but I’m looking for some recommendations to highlight. I’ve got the ALA lists, but I’m looking more for personal recommendations — stuff people have read, or things that parents and/or teachers have seen 6-12 graders reading and enjoying.

Right now, my rough list of the 6 required reading books has Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, Monster by Walter Dean Myers, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie.  I’m trying to add a spec fic book, a non-fiction book and a historical fiction book to that list. Graphic novel recs also welcome!

I’m also needing recs for a large list of books that students can choose from to read 6 addition YA boks of their own choosing to do reviews of. Like I said, I have quite a few of my own, but I’m always looking to improve my teaching.

Thanks for any input!

ROCK. THE FUCK. ON.

The following things are to be found at Plasticland.

Vintage Woman & Bird Stretched Canvas Wall Art

It’s just pretty. I would put it in the foyer.

Vintage Victorian Hand Jewelry Holder

While I have pretty trays and boxes and such already stashing a lot of my jewelry, I only have one 3-D storage option, and that’s for necklaces.

This would be a fabulous 3-D way to store and display rings, as I have quite a few pretty ones, but I can really only stand to wear one on a daily basis.

Glass Drops Flower Vase on Wood Stand

I like wee bud vases — I think they take up less room and also, you can get some fresh flowers or bits of greenery into more places in your house (say, a tiny powder room or a bookshelf)  and spend less money — and this, while not precisely wee, is small and clever and pretty. I would use this in the bathroom.

Fuchsia Faux Suede Bardot Platform Pumps

Yeah, these are just hot, and I want them.

These things are from A+R which is AWESOME OMG AND I WANT TO SPEND TONS OF MONEY THERE OMG SQUEEEE.

Er. Ahem. Excuse me. I couldn’t help it.

I have a whole wish list saved on this site (hello, anyone who reads this and wants to buy me stuff) but I have edited it to just include a few of my very favorite items for you to peruse. But there’s tons of really wonderful items — tell me some of your favorites, because I guarantee you will have something.

Tord Boontje & Artecnica’s Garland Light

This is just gorgeous, and I love it. I would get it for the foyer light fixture.

Sagaform’s Fresh Herb Pot

I love this design. I would definitely plant herbs in this and keep it on my kitchen windowsill.

Tsutoma Iseya’s Eggling – Crack ‘n’ Grow

Ok. This is genius. SO. DAMNED. CUTE.  You can get different plants — cactus, phlox, lavender, petunia, basil, mint, chrysthanemum and strawberry. You get it, crack it open, water and it grows. And it’s $10.50.

Perfect for kids and also a super-cute holiday gift for co-workers and friends.

Domestic & Olivier Peyricot and Sylvie Chanchus’ Star Mirrors

These are so pretty. After I paint the walls in the stairwell leading up to the seond story (and someday, I will, I swear — don’t ask me what color) these would look wonderful there.

The following items are from Perch which has great simple design.

A Container for One Thing

I would get 2 or 3 of these (they are $26) and hang them over my desk. I don’t know why I would display in them, but the possibilities are endless.

Wall Ball

Easy to install. Cute, and it also comes in turquoise.

I hope my insomnia was good for something! Tell me what you liked best, or if you found anything you loved at any of these sites.

Friday night, I didn’t get to sleep until about 8 a.m. I took 2 mgs Lorazepam and laid down at about 4 a.m., listened to iRelax for about an hour.

Um. Didn’t relax. Tossed and turned like a fish on the sand, and finally got up and went downstairs and looked at decor sites (the fruits of which will be on a later post this evening, so it’s not all bad) and also worked on a sample syllabus for that Adolescent Lit adjunct gig I’m trying to land.

D. came downstairs and goggled sleepily at me. “You’re up early.”  “No,” says I. “I haven’t been to sleep yet. Welcome to my world without sleep meds.”

Then I went upstairs and finally fell asleep at about 8-ish. Woke up about 3:30 p.m. and felt like shit because a turned-around schedule like that is never great. Watched “Hot Fuzz” which was pretty awesomely funny, and fiddled around with computer stuff. Felt off and snarly and cabin-fevery all day and night.  I went to bed at about 5-ish, listened to a podcast of some British guy reading “Sense and Sensibility” (my favorite Austen) and fell into a thin sleep.

Woke up at 2:30 p.m., very stiff and groggy.